5 Ways To Get Out of the Self-Pity Cycle



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Think about the times when you are feeling down. Everything seems to be going wrong. Other people have things so easy. You don’t understand why when you barely start turning things around, things go wrong.

Life seems to just pick you for its cruel tricks.

Do you feel like that?

What do you do when you do? Do you sit alone, moping over it? Do you complain – constantly – to your friends and family? Or do you not even do that, and just spend time on your own, because you think they are all too happy to listen to your miserable tales? 

Do post messages on Facebook, expecting sympathy and understanding?

Do you write in your journal about how life is shit?

Do you wonder, why things always go badly for you?

If you’ve answered “yes” to most of the above questions – you have a problem. And no, not the problem you think. No doubt your life has problems. But so do most people!! 

Yes believe it or not, even the happy looking ones – those who seem to be earning ten times more than you, or have that gorgeous wife/husband and well-behaved children, that nice house that  you envy, or those who seem to go on holidays three times a  year…..they all have problems. Perhaps not the same problems as you, but their problems are just as serious to them ,as yours are to you.

If you are spending most of your time wallowing in your misery, then you are just convincing yourself, over and over again, how bad things are for you, and getting deeper and deeper in the cycle of self-pity. 

Self-pity has never done anyone good, and it’s not going to change things for you. The only thing self-pity accomplishes is that it makes you feel more sorry for yourself, and it convinces you that no one else gets it, and you are just so miserable. So you go on being miserable.

If you keep ending up in continuous streams of self-pity, then what you need is tough love. You need to get in the habit of giving yourself that tough love. 


5 Things You Should Do To Get Out Of The Self-Pity Cycle


Focus on Solutions Not Problems

Don’t obsess over how bad things are for you. Obsess over what you can do about it. Because yes, you can. History is full of people who have come through unimaginable suffering and hardships and made something of their lives. 

Value Your Loved Ones

Don’t neglect your loved ones. People who stand by you, people who love you no matter what, don’t deserve to be neglected, just because you feel the need to pit yourself. It doesn’t matter how much you think you don’t need other people, everyone wants to be loved. Humans are social animals, and there are times when we need someone to hold us and say everything will be okay, or just listen to us. So the people who love you, like your family and friends, are the people you need to spend time with when you are feeling down. But don’t just make it about you. Don’t be centred only on your misery. Remember that they have lives too, which is just as important to them as yours is to you.

Surround Yourself With Positive People

I’ve written about this a couple of times here, and no doubt I will again in the future. Because it is important. Surround yourself with the right people, and half your battles are won. Surround yourself with people who love life, who have dreams and ambitions, and who are always ready with a smile. Of course, then you need to be the kind of person they would want to hang out with, because these types of people don’t like miserable company. 

Miserable, negative company drags you down. People who are always focusing on the negatives, tend to drag down the general mood of their surroundings with them. They leach happiness and enthusiasm away from those who are near them. Don’t be one of those leeches.

Be instead, the person, who infuses their environment with enthusiasm and possibilities. And surround yourself with others like that. 

Look for Patterns in Your Behaviour

If you have been keeping journals regularly, then you already have all the information you need. Look through your journals. Look for patterns. Are you talking about same problems over and over again? Sometimes for years? Pay attention to the language you’ve used. Are you always blaming the circumstances? Questioning destiny or God? Are you always blaming other people? 

If you don’t have journals to look through, just pick up pen and paper, and think back to  your experiences. Write down what you remember. Be completely honest. This is for your benefit. You don’t need to show it to anyone, and you don’t need to justify it. So be honest, because if you lie to try to make yourself look better, you are only fooling y ourself. 

Accept Responsibility 

I can’t stress this enough. You and you alone are responsible for your life. Sure, you may get unexpected problems that weren’t in your control, but how you react to them is entirely in your control. It is your life, and how well you live it – or don’t – is on you. On no one else. So decide today, if you are going to accept responsibility not just for your life, but for your happiness. Yes, we need other people to be happy – but getting those people in your life, cultivating those relationships, is on you. So ultimately, your life = your responsibility. 



Go through these five steps. Gain awareness of where you are, on the scale of wallowing in self-pity, and then start taking action. Starting with accepting responsibility. 




2 thoughts on “5 Ways To Get Out of the Self-Pity Cycle

  1. I find going to a mirror and starting my self pity routine while looking at myself, breaks it every time. I look like such a goof I end up laughing.

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