Journaling to just feel better

Journaling is more about one’s inner life than outer life but you can’t dismiss that our outer life has a lot of impact on our inner life. So when your life, in general, feels difficult, or just too busy, too stressed, too anything – journaling can help.

Today, I am feeling super gloomy. There is no particular reason. Perhaps a multitude of small reasons. I have also been having such a packed summer that I am quite worn out. Yet, there is still no time to just be because of prior commitments. So I turn to my journal. I pour out the words, feelings, sometimes irrational feelings but worth mentioning nonetheless. It’s better than keeping it all in, because if I keep it in, it churns around in my mind, exploding into a bigger thing. It’s better than constantly barraging people in your life with your moaning because really, there is enough gloom around.

So today, I am journaling, just to feel better. There doesn’t have to be anything worthwhile written in there. There doesn’t have to be a stroke of brilliance or great writing skill. It’s not poetry. It’s not literature. It just is. It reflects my mood today, what’s on my mind, and it makes me feel better as I get those words out. 

Your journal can do that for you. It can’t fix everything. It can’t offer you a permanent solution for all your problems. But it can sometimes bring that temporary relief. And sometimes that’s enough to just get you going. 

It’s important to value our feelings. To acknowledge how we feel. Our society is so used to giving the standard answer “I’m fine” that we start doing it even to ourselves. We tell ourselves we are fine. Except that we are not. Lying about how fine we are, only leads to bitterness, which actually makes you less appreciative of the good things you do have. So instead, acknowledge that some days you are not fine. Some days you are just angry, hurt, sad, bitchy, gloomy etc. And get those feelings out. Process them. Give them room to make themselves known in the privacy of your journal, which is your safe space. By doing that, you may also just get to know yourself a bit better. 


Pick up that pen, get your journal, and write your heart out. 


Where does your motivation come from?

Image result for light at the end of the tunnel

image credit

Recently, I seem to be surrounded by personal challenges. But I also come across many people who are surrounded by their own challenges. Conversations with them, listening to or reading various personal development material, either confirms what you know or gives you insight into how different minds work.

However, one thing is certain – the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. When you are motivated by things outside of yourself, it’s much harder to face challenges. Whereas if your motivation comes from within you, then no matter how hard the road, you can continue on the path, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. 

So what does it mean?

Extrinsic motivation comes from outside you. For example, when you want to lose weight because of how other people may perceive you. Or when you pick a career you hate, just because it pays good money. It could be things like signing up to do something because of peer pressure, or because you think you should. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be good at those things. Many people are. But it will almost certainly mean that you won’t be content doing those things, and when they become difficult, it will be much harder to rise to the challenges with a positive attitude, because you didn’t really want those things in the first place.

Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is what drives you, regardless of results. I write, for example, because I must. Sure, I hope that I can make a career out of it, but even when it doesn’t earn me anything, I write. When you exercise, because you want to feel good from the inside, because you want to feel the vitality and health pulsing through you, that’s intrinsic. When you strive on to save a marriage, be there for your kids, or your friends because you value those relationships, that is inner motivation. When we are driven by intrinsic motivation, while the road isn’t any easier, it’s certainly more bearable. Because you know why you are doing what you are doing. You know why you are putting in the effort or waiting for the right time. You know why whatever pain you are going through may be worth it. Intrinsic motivation makes the struggle less gloomy. 

As I’ve been going through challenges, often feeling very down, stressing out enough that it gave me a bit of insomnia, I never lost sight of it being the right thing. I had to go through this phase, in order to grow. I had to face challenges so that I would be out of the rut I was in. And I had to rise to these challenges so that I can take that one more step towards fulfilling my potential. Because our potential isn’t finite either. It can grow or shrink to accommodate our ambitions and drive. Intrinsic motivation can be that all-important glimmer of hope. When nothing seems to work, that’s what you can hold on to. You can keep telling yourself, to keep moving, one step at a time, because you know you are moving in the right direction. It may work, or it may not, but the journey – when fueled by the right motivation – will give its own rewards. You learn and you grow, and when you come out on the other side, your potential will have grown that little bit more.


For whatever challenges you are facing now, think about how you are dealing with them? Are you motivated to deal with them because of extrinsic or intrinsic motivation? What drives you? What is your light at the end of the tunnel? Let that sustain you with a positive outlook.


London to Brighton 2017, 100km (62.5 Miles) – pushing beyond your limits

As some of you may be aware I recently completed London to Brighton 100km challenge. About 2200 people were participating in this challenge. 500 of them were running/jogging it. Some were doing it over 2 days, but I – like many others – was doing it in one go. 100km walk/hike from London to Brighton.

It began on May 27, at 7 am, in Richmond Deer Park. I’d stayed over at my friend’s place close to Richmond since I live at the opposite end of the city. Slept badly the night before, and realized after talking to my teammates that I wasn’t the only one. Perhaps it’s the pre-challenge nerves. Even though I wasn’t really nervous. But the good night’s rest was not to be had. Still, I arrived bright and early at 6ish.

It was exciting. When you are surrounded by an event atmosphere, flags and banners, other participants, and the sheer energy of such a challenge, you get excited. Adrenaline starts pumping in. I was in high spirits. I was ready.

Why I Picked Action Challenge

I am a research person. So as soon I decided, in 2016, that I was going to do a 100km walk next year, I started researching it. Action Challenge was by far the best company. I wanted it organised, safe, and as convenient as possible. I paid good money to do this, and it was worth every penny.

The Naysayers: it is madness! Don’t do it.

As close as the week before the challenge, the naysayers were still going on about how I shouldn’t do this. The naysayers included everyone from strangers and casual acquaintances to close family. People said things like:

  • It’s crazy. Don’t do it.
  • You will injure yourself.
  • You haven’t trained your body from a young age. You can’t do this at your age. (I’m 34 BTW. Not exactly in my dotage)
  • You don’t need to be thin. You aren’t a super model. (This from presumption that I was doing this to lose weight)

There were several variations of this. They went on for months. I was always mindful of safety. I had no desire to do something stupid, or cause permanent damage. However, I also knew – having done proper research – that every year, thousands of people of all ages, including people much much older than me – do this and equivalent challenge. So if they can do it, why can’t I? I told the naysayers who were close to me (i.e. family) that don’t worry if it’s too much, I can just quit. Of course, I had no intention of quitting.

The Training

My intention, when I signed up in 2016 had been to train months in advance. That plan went awry when I got a shin split from running and had to rest. So I didn’t actually start training properly until March 2017. Two months of training. That’s not a lot. But then I tried to put in as much walking as possible. Weekends, I devoted to hikes as much as possible with the rest of the life still going on. As April drew, my aim was to do longer and longer hikes.

However, the longest I managed was 21 miles. Not even half of the challenge length. But I was reasonably fit, having done regular exercise up until December 2016 when I got the shin splint. And walking daily, even if it wasn’t long distance, had also made sure that I wasn’t unfit.

The Challenge

So on a beautiful, sunny morning, we started off. My teammates and I – the Ninja Walkers – were in good spirits. At 7 am it already felt warm, and we were hoping it wouldn’t be too hot. While we were still in Richmond, it rained and cooled the air. The first half of the challenge was beautiful and enjoyable. Daylight made it possible to enjoy our surroundings.

We arrived at the 50km mark, at exactly 7 pm. Precisely 12 hours after we started.

Then began the harder part of the journey. As the night fell, there were no beautiful surrounding to distract us. The weather got cooler. My feet were tired. But I focused on getting from one rest point to another. That was it. Just another stop to get to. I had never realised until that night how long a kilometre can feel.

At 67km one of my teammates had to drop out due to horrible blisters. She’d done amazingly well, continuing despite multiple blisters on both feet. But it just got too much. So the three of us carried on.

The night walk was paced by a marshal to ensure safety. We had to walk through the woods, with only head torch providing light, and glow-sticks placed at regular intervals. For a city girl, it was a bit scary. The first part of the night walk, ending at 67km, finished faster than I’d expected because of the relatively fast pace of the marshal.

The second part was harder. I was feeling fatigued. At one point, I even took a wrong turn and had gone only about 10 feet when I was saved by someone spotting me, and my teammate (who was equally fatigued) then hearing that person, called my name. That would have been a disaster, resulting in either in me having to call for rescue after getting lost in the woods, or walking extra and eventually finding my way back.

At 80km, another teammate had to drop out due to feeling really ill.

So for the last 20km, it was just the two of us. My remaining teammate had developed a blister on the bottom of his foot, and I had intense pain in my left foot, which I later realised was from a bruised bone. We hobbled along. Not necessarily together, but not far apart. One of the things we realised is that when you are that tired, you just have to walk at your pace. Trying to keep the same pace as another person, whether faster or slower, is much harder and more tiring.

So both of us plodded along, usually only a few minutes apart.

I was in the lead getting to the end. As I passed kilometre signs, I wanted to stop the pain, to get there, but I was also always happy to be there. I had never imagined, until I started my fitness journey, that I would be able to do anything like this. It was exhilarating even while it was painful. 

The End 

Then I saw Brighton racecourse from the distance. Flags lined up to welcome the finishers. I moved, at times speeding up. Then eventually, I was there. Crossing the finish line. Lovely supporters cheered me on as I crossed the finish line. Someone draped a medal around my neck, another person handed me a glass of champagne, and someone else gave me a t-shirt. 

I’d done it. I had completed 100km London to Brighton. And the foremost thought on my mind was: next year, I am going to do another 100km.

I spent the next week hobbling, because of the bruised bone on my left foot. But the feeling of achievement, of knowing I’d pushed my physical and mental limits is there to stay. And that makes me wonder, what else can I do that I never thought possible?


How would you like to challenge yourself? Is there something that you’ve wished you can do, but don’t believe you can? Grab your journal, and figure out what’s stopping you. Perhaps it’s not as impossible as you think. 


A Lesson in Patience and Positivity



I’m a pretty positive person. Some of my nearest and dearest may say insanely so. But I’m also a human, and so there are times when certain things or events get me down. They don’t necessarily make me negative, but rather frustrated or impatient (which is certainly one of my flaws). Besides the rather interesting beginning of January, one such thing is my current leg injury.

It’s in the assessment period now, and it could be muscular or a stress fracture. But the point is, I can’t run at all, and even walking is painful. I’d signed up for my first half-marathon back in September – which is now in 6 weeks time. There is no way I can train for it, and be ready. I don’t even know if I will be able to walk it. I’ve another 20km walk booked for next week. I don’t know if I will be able to do that. 

I had fitness plans for January. I was enthusiastic and really motivated to start the New Year with all those plans. But because of this injury, I spent the week doing nothing. I didn’t even get 10,000 steps a day in because I’d to minimize walking. So this has been frustrating me to no end. I get annoyed. I’m impatient. It pisses me off that my body isn’t supporting me when my mind is so ready. 

So today, I decided to go to the gym. Not to do anything stupid – but I figured it was an important psychological step. I could just go, do some light workout, or just work on my upper body. I wasn’t super enthusiastic, mind you. I was still annoyed about my leg. But I went. 

After a slow warm up on elliptical machine which actually did start hurting my leg more (so I stopped), I worked just my upper body and abs with free weights and body weight exercises. The more I got into it, the happier I became. Then, the abs class started, and so I joined in. I’d already done some of those exercises, so at times it was difficult, especially going back into it after a long time away. But got through it. And the more I did, though my body felt it, the happier I felt. 

Because something clicked in. I realised that there was so much I needed to work on. Okay, I can’t do anything about my leg right now. But it doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. There are other areas of my body that need strengthening. The areas I often neglect because I’m focused on my goal of running or combat or something specific. It occurred to me then that this was a good time to learn patience, to be okay with what I could not do, and rather just enjoy and savour what I could do.

Upper body workouts and abs workouts are important, even essential to my overall fitness goals. Building that strength would also make me a better runner, potentially less prone to injuries. The point was, I wasn’t done with all of goals, and all of my areas of improvement. Yes, I couldn’t run. Yes, it’s annoying and frustrating that my leg hurts. But that’s part of life. Shit happens. You have to deal with it. Injuries happen. You need to take time out and look after yourself. Yes, I will lose money on the races, and I will lose my opportunity to participate. But there will be other races. There will be other things. There will be other goals. 

What I don’t want to do is miss this moment, this present, for something I cannot have. I would rather spend this moment on what I can enjoy. I would rather spend it on joy. 



Grab your journal and write about what is the one thing in your life where you can use some positivity or perspective change? Are you focusing on what you cannot have, and missing out on what you can have?