image by Alexandra Bellink
Life is full of confusion. Confusion of love, passion, and romance. Confusion of family and friends. Confusion with life itself. What path we take, what turns we make. How we roll our dice.
Just when you think you are getting clarity, beginning to make sense of things, something happens – usually something outside your control – and once again there is chaos. It could be chaos of events, or just chaos of feelings. But chaos nonetheless. And when chaos reigns, your thoughts and feelings go into a constant flux, a whirlwind that would not stop. Particularly, if you are the type who resists expressing emotions, hides them behind intellectual façade, or uses some other form of defence mechanism. This chaos of confusion emotions then is scary. Terrifying even.
Yet, I don’t think you can avoid it. Not if you want to live. Not if you want to participate in life. Not if you want to be able to appreciate the people in your life, and let them know that you care about them, that they matter.
It’s never that straight-forward, of course. Confusion with life usually relates to confusion with self, and/or confusion with people. It’s pretty difficult to find black and white answers either about yourself, or about other people. Particularly about other people, because you never quite know what the other person is thinking or feeling. No matter how close you are.
Most people try to protect themselves, try to keep from getting your feelings hurt, hearts broken, try not to face the rejection or the pain that often comes from opening up, from trusting…and so you run from chaos, and fear the confusion.
This is all true…and this is what most people tell themselves when they are faced with conflicting, difficult, terrifying choices – not terrifying in the life threatening sense, but usually terrifying in a sense of either facing social or emotional rejection.
But if you dig deep down, if you can face up to yourself, if you can admit the truth to yourself, this is what you will find: you are not confused.
Whenever it comes to feeling, most people know exactly how they feel. Even if they don’t want to admit it.
Henry Miller said,
Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood.
That’s probably true to a certain extent, but more importantly, it’s just that you are not ready yet to see that order. You are not ready yet to find the pattern in chaos.
If so, there are only two things you can do:
If you know that you are just avoiding life, push past the fear, and acknowledge the truth of your own emotions. You don’t have to tell the world if you are not ready, but stop lying to yourself.
If you are not yet ready to find that truth, if you are not in that place yet, give yourself time to process your feelings, your thoughts, and even your fears. But know that it is not the confusion that is the problem, but rather that it is your internal compass that needs to find its true north. Own your feelings. Own your actions. That may not solve all your problems, but it will at least take away the edge from the fear of chaos.
ACTION YOU CAN TAKE TODAY:
Do you fear the confusion? How do you deal with it? Share your views in the comments below.